Soul
by EdithType
Summary: What if Kara had indeed gave herself up to Cadmus and the DEO couldn't rescue her on time? (This is a tragic story guys; the other side of the coin. Don't read it if you don't like sad endings.)


Last warning! This is a sad one. I don't know if you'll need it, but grab a tissue just in case.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to CW's Supergirl.

…

Soul

...

How did everything happen so quickly? When did it start? Why didn't she notice?

Alex knew Kara; and they weren't in the best terms at the moment, but… how did she ignore things? She never stopped to put pieces together, she didn't take the time to think about it, to analyze it, damn it, she was a high skilled agent and she couldn't see what was going on.

Jeremiah was back, and Kara wasn't there to celebrate. Truth was, it was weird her sister was missing the party, specially Eliza's pecan pie, and the food; which had been a lot, but it was left there, because Kara never showed up. Alex had seen her two days ago, and she thought the Girl of Steel was probably busy at work, or with Mon-El, or simply embarrassed for having questioned Jeremiah's loyalty at the beginning; and Kara was right at the time, but Jeremiah had helped her, her father was back. Kara stopped the space aircraft, and Alex couldn't find Jeremiah after that; fearing her dad had been captured by Cadmus again. Uncertainty didn't allow her to sleep properly the next couple of nights, then… out of nowhere, her dad went back to the DEO claiming to have been released by Cadmus, he wasn't told a reason why.

It seemed odd in J'onn's eyes, but once the DEO discarded signs of Cadmus, it looked 'safe' apparently. Kara didn't show up that day at the DEO. A dinner was prepared, no signs of Kara. She had had a bad feeling, but she put it aside, Jeremiah was back!

Another day went by, her little sister wasn't picking up the phone; hadn't go to work; no Supergirl on the news… that was when the nightmare started.

Here they were, rushing into an underground facility outside Metropolis; a Cadmus facility. Where they had been informed was a possible location of Supergirl.

She and J'onn were leading the operation; both ahead of their teams. Aisle after aisle, room after room, she was worried, scared, and stressed. What had they done to Kara? Was her sister alright? There was so much to talk; so much to apologize for. When they find her, she would wait for Kara to recover from whatever she had gone through, then both would spend time together; it had been a while since both had hanged out.

A door was forced open with a small bomb and Alex went across it first. One, two, three, four, five steps… she stopped. J'onn and her fellow agents continued their entrance, speeding up; some pushed her slightly on the shoulders since she had stayed glued to the floor in the middle of their way. They all ran towards a naked figure hanging from the ceiling; upside down, tied by her feet. There was a glass container below the body, it was full of a crimson red liquid.

J'onn started to talk to the unconscious figure; the Green Martian touched her neck, he got closer to the woman's face, then Alex couldn't understand why all of a sudden the urgency stopped. Some agents put their guns down, a few placed a hand in the back of their heads.

Alex's view lowered when her legs gave up and she fell on her knees.

Following their superior's instructions, the team worked on untying the prisoner. J'onn removed his cape and carried the body as if it was the most fragile being in the universe; carefully enveloping the blonde in it. More indications were given, and the team went out of the room. Solemnly, he walked towards Alex. The older sister wasn't sure of what was going on; but once J'onn was close enough, his clenching teeth and wet eyes said enough. He slowly lowered both him and the prisoner in his arms at the same level Alex was. Automatically, the agent's arms opened widely and her boss placed a cold body in them.

"I need to clear the building first." He took a deep breath to keep his posture and swallowed a lump. "I can't take her out in the middle of chaos, not like that." He placed a hand on the younger woman's forehead and gave a sad smile to her. "I'll take you home quietly." He lifted his gaze to look at Alex. "Wait here. I'll be back to take both of you home."

The door was closed and things went silent. The blood contained inside glass, her focus of attention. She could hear the _tick tack_ sound coming out of the clock she always wore on her right wrist. A clock Jeremiah had given to her as a birthday present after three months her father had started to work for the DEO; he had told her it was a survival clock, like the ones his teammates had. It was supposed to be used on the left wrist, so her mom and dad tried hard to explain how being a right handed person, meant the clock had to go on her left wrist. Kara was who had objected her sister could wear it wherever she was more comfortable with _"Time won't change because of the wrist she prefers."_ She said. _"Seems we have a team against us, Eliza. Sister to the rescue."_ Jeremiah laughed, placing one hand on each of their heads. _"Sister to the rescue."_ Echoed in her memory. Rescue. This was supposed to be a rescue mission. She was supposed to be the sister to the rescue this time; the one to rescue Kara.

The older sister couldn't look down; she didn't dare to; didn't have the guts to.

This was wrong. It had to be a mistake. Why had J'onn those eyes? Why did he look at her like that? Kara was fine, maybe beaten, or hurt, but fine overall. Her sister was only unconscious and once she woke up, Alex was gonna say all that speech she had prepared to apologize; because Kara always woke up. They were gonna fix things and have all those sisters' night she owed, and have dinner, and watch movies, and cuddle, falling asleep in the warmth of one another... but why was Kara so cold in her arms.

 _Because you're Supergirl's hero._ J'onn said one day.

Was she?

Alex finally found the courage to look at the woman in her arms. Everything stopped. Her mind shut down for a few seconds. Her lungs paused. The only thing she could move were her eyes; which traveled across the body, automatically entering a scientist mode. The body in her arms looked human, but something in her subconscious told her it wasn't from Earth. The subject was porcelain white; her face had bruises, some signs of dried blood contrasting against the pale skin. There was a tiny cut in her neck, from which clearly all blood had been drained; fingerprints tattooed around it, someone had held this subject from the neck. On the other end of J'onn's cape, feet could be seen; red marks around the ankles. Alex carefully inspected body, thus she removed the cape, exposing a ribcage, bruises on it as well. The torso had dotted lines across it, Alex recognized them as surgery guides, those she had traced before opening up a body. Perhaps the subject was going to be dissected. Why were there bruises covering most areas of the body, alongside needle tracks? The agent's hand touched a purple bruise on the left side of the subject's torso, her fingers went up and the texture of the skin changed under her touch... It all came back as cold water.

Air got stuck in her throat, her hand started to tremble, and her body shook. Under her fingers, she was touching a familiar texture, a scar she knew about, because Kara had told her the story of how she got it while playing with some friends back in Krypton. One that didn't completely fade away with the yellow sun. This subject was an alien, it was... no... SHE was Kryptonian, and her name was Kara Zor-El, also known as Kara Danvers; her adopted sister. A sister she swore to look after.

 _I'm sure you would hope that she would find people that would take care of her; who would love her like she was their own. I did._

Alex shook her head, denying what her eyes were seeing. She grabbed a skinny hand and held it up; watching it closely. Those hands she was so familiar with; hands that pulled her to embrace her; hands that had wiped tears away; hands she had seen covered with sand when they used to play at the beach; hands struggling while she taught Kara to write their alphabet; hands that had caressed her hair countless times. _I can't do this without you._ She almost pleaded when a part of herself was emerging after being buried for a long time, when her eyes started to shine and she finally found love. _You don't have to._ Was the simplest, yet the warmest response Kara had given to her.

And now she couldn't do this; not without Kara. She held the Kryptonian closer, trying to provide warmth to her naked body; Alex's body shuddered with the cold contact; thus she picked up the cape and put it on Kara again; rocking both of them to intensify the heat.

Stupidity; that was the perfect word to describe her recent behavior.

She had been so stupid; how could she not notice. She had welcomed someone knew in her life, but at what cost? It wasn't Maggie's fault, it was all hers, for not balancing things. _I felt you slipping away._ Kara opened up the day of her Earth birthday. She reacted whenever Maggie came into a conversation, and she had made sure to protect her relationship with her girlfriend… on the other side, ironically she had felt with the right to recriminate Kara for having her 'honey moon face' with Mon-El when they argued about Jeremiah. When she spat those hateful words on her face. When she rudely told her she was not part of the Danvers family; clearing how her family had felt pity about a Kryptonian, that that was the reason they let her in. Letting her know how ungrateful she was. Those words were meant to hurt, and they had worked.

 _Kara, I know when you're sad, or when you're disappointed._

And she knew… she knew the damage she had done, the impact her words had had on Kara; her wet blue eyes hidden behind glasses were very expressive and honest. She knew she had hurt her sister; truth was she felt pride for a second, giving her back to Kara, walking away, and then feeling regret of what she had done. However, she didn't care, Kara wasn't important for her that day; everything that mattered was Jeremiah Danvers. Did Kara know she didn't mean what she said? Did Kara know she loved her?

 _I've been abandoned before; I didn't wanna be abandoned again._

 _Ever since I've been on Earth I don't know what life is like without you there all the time._

Maybe it was the White Martian, but she heard every word Kara said. That night while eating a cupcake, she told Kara she wouldn't be away. _I won't, ever._

Nevertheless, she had distanced herself.

Kara in her arms was the result of that.

 _Kara is relying on me!_

And she pushed her away.

Having Kara in her life was a default element; she knew Kara would never hate her. _Everything good I did, it came from you being my sister._ Alex assumed Kara would be always there; after an argument with her mom, even if Jeremiah didn't come back, even if things with Maggie didn't work out in the future; Alex knew everything was gonna be ok; Kara would be there to comfort her, to hug her, to support her. That was her little sister's nature, to be kind, and sweet, and loving, and compassionate.

Alex went into her memories of recent days. After three days of not seeing her, Kara was still missing; that was the biggest confirmation Alex had of something bad going on. Post from that morning had been evaded, left on the small table next to the main door; she took the keys, walked to exit her place, but an envelope caught her attention. It was from Kara. Alex read inside it; the next minutes she was driving like crazy to Kara's apartment; arriving there, she opened up the white door, only to find an empty loft. What used to be the dinning room was now occupied with piled boxes. For a moment the older sister hoped Kara had moved to Metropolis as she once wanted to, she could persuade Kara to come back; but her heart was crushed reminding her of each word on that letter.

 _Dear Alex,_

 _Don't worry, arrangements have been done, and an association will go to pick up my stuff in a week; I decided to donate everything._

 _Firstly, I want to offer you my most sincere apology for not telling you about this personally; but if I did, I wouldn't be capable of taking this step. My second apology, comes from all the hard time I've made you and your family go through; from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. If I had known a family would be split because of me, I'd preferred to stay in the Phantom Zone forever. Truth is, I brought Fort Rozz with me too; I brought chaos to Earth, and it doesn't matter how hard I try to amend things… I just keep ruining them with more enemies._

 _I have always been aware of the price of my existence; which surprisingly is enough to afford paying you back. I've been told where Jeremiah is, and Cadmus has offered me a deal to send him back home. You won't see me again, and you can't imagine how much I want to hug you right now, but last time I hugged mom, it was a goodbye, and I just can't repeat that, I'm not brave enough._

 _Maybe I should have gone with Hank Henshaw the night the DEO went after me. But I was terrified, and I was selfish, because I made you believe I wasn't hearing, but I was, and I heard the negotiation your dad did in order to keep me safe; and I regret not having stopped him. I could have gone instead of Jeremiah. I'm sorry, Alex; for everything I ruined in your family. I'm so sorry. I know giving Jeremiah back to you won't ever replace all those years you missed with him; if I could, I would go back in time to fix things, but my friend Barry warned me about how dangerous that is; it's too late, thus this is the only option I have; this is my chance, and I have to take it._

 _Thank you; for all the wonderful moments, all the experiences, all the adventures, for the memories, for taking me in, for loving me despite the pain. You're an amazing person, and I'll always be thankful I had the honor to meet you; although that makes me feel bad considering the mess I detonated._

 _I love you, and I loved every time I spent with you. Be happy._

 _Kara._

The agent remembered her next move was informing the DEO.

Now they were here.

Kara might have heard Jeremiah's talk with Henshaw; what her little sister didn't know is she had heard her and her dad talking one night. Kara was still thirteen years old. It was almost eight months since Jeremiah was part of the DEO, he visited home mostly on holidays, apart from that, he was barely with them. On the night of Christmas Eve, Alex had gone downstairs to drink some water. Walking towards her bedroom and Kara's, she stopped behind the door, when her father's voice reached her ears.

 _"…_ _don't see you that often; Eliza misses you, and Alex misses you a lot too; she's awesome in her soccer matches, you should come sometime and see her…"_ Said Kara.

 _"_ _I'd love to, sweetheart; I wish I could go."_ Interrupted Jeremiah.

 _"_ _What if go?"_

 _"_ _To her matches? You already do."_

 _"_ _No…"_ Tried to explain Kara. _"I mean with Henshaw."_

There was a long pause and Alex fought against the impulse of joining their conversation.

 _"_ _No."_ The tone her dad used was THE tone. _"That is not an option."_

 _"_ _But that way you could be home."_ Complained the Kryptonian. _"You could be with Eliza and Alex, spend time with them. My father isn't with me anymore, I don't want Alex to go through that. It's not your, or Alex's, or Eliza's fault. Maybe if I go with Henshaw…"_

 _"_ _You wouldn't understand, Kara."_ Jeremiah's voice softened.

 _"_ _I wanna help. I would go if that means you can come back."_

Kara wouldn't get it at that age.

The facility looked worse than what Alex ever imagined Cadmus would look like.

Bring Jeremiah back. That's exactly what Kara had done, years later, but still the same trade. Softly, Alex cupped Kara's cheek, then leaned her head so her sister rested on her shoulder; allowing Alex to place her chin above blonde hair.

 _All Kara wanted was a family, that's what she is to me, she is my sister._

Where had the Alex who said that gone?

Blinking, she looked at her surroundings. Chains were still hanging from the ceiling. It was a wet room, dim light, gray walls, tables with surgical tools, four beds across the area; it looked like a hospital. Kara was afraid of hospitals. She started to fear them after Alex begged her to watch a horror movie with her. The older sister felt her lower lip tremble, realizing Kara had been left there; alone, in a cold room, slowly feeling life fading away, feeling guilty, feeling like a burden, believing she was useful better dead than alive; hurt, powerless, hopeless; vulnerable in every aspect, physically, mentally, and emotionally; she knew her sister, and she must have been scared; regardless, she stayed there, instead of escaping.

Pure anger flowed from inside Alex's chest. There was a hero in her arms, and no hero deserved to die like that; no one did. The sweet girl she called 'her sister' didn't deserve to die like that. Because all Kara had done was fixings things. Her sister blamed herself for Jeremiah being taken away… but at the time she was just a little girl, a scared alien; she couldn't know how humans were, how they behaved; life in Midvale was such a small example of life on Earth, such a tiny example of human nature. Young Kara had been naive, believing rules and honor worked the same way they used to back in Krypton; believing Jeremiah was going to be treated with dignity.

Pain, sorrow, disgrace? Those things could happen, with or without Kara in her life. Supergirl didn't bring darkness, she brought light.

If anyone had asked her to describe Kara Zor-El, she would have said loyal, goofy, honest, graceful, brave, supportive, kind, relentless, optimistic, strong… how could she not see what was happening behind that? She was an expert in patterns, it wasn't unnoticed distance had been placed between them, it wasn't unnoticed Kara was facing a lot, it wasn't unnoticed their interaction had changed… but Alex had chosen to ignore it, because Kara loved her and would forgive her; she had to take the chance she had to enjoy her relationship with Maggie, the chance to find her dad, to have her family complete again. Except her family was now a four members one, not three.

 _I will always be your big sister._

Remorse consumed her; she had failed Kara. The only person who would be there for her unconditionally; it didn't matter how much she punched her sister, how much she hurt her, she would always find solace with Kara.

Alex's mind seemed to enjoy betraying her, because it started to play Kara's movie, and memories flowed; Kara jumping out of happiness when she had gotten a Superman's pajamas on her birthday; Kara asleep next to her after a stormy night, Kara visiting a zoo for the first time; Kara frowning while understanding algebra; Kara eating her leftovers, over, and over, and over again across the years; holidays together; breakfast together; watching stars together from the DEO's balcony; Kara listening to her excitement about Maggie; sisters' nights; and hugs, hundreds of hugs… Kara's birthday was a few weeks away, and she had already bought her present; a board game for their nights, a Supergirl blouse, and three restaurants gift cards for both to go; those moments were gone now. What was Alex gonna do without that? Without her? Working at the DEO would be pointless if the alien she cared the most wasn't there. How could she go to her apartment without thinking of the talks they had in there? How would she be able to visit Midvale without remembering Kara while growing up? She had a career, she had a job, she had a girlfriend, she had friends, she had her family, yet… she felt like she had nothing.

Alex caressed Kara's pale cheek to look at her features. There was blood on her lower lip, and in the hardest way, she understood she wouldn't see that warm smile again; and looking to her purple eyelids, the idea of giving her life in exchange to see those tender blue eyes again crossed her mind.

Her hand touched the motionless face. Alex kissed one of the cheeks and remained there, close to her.

"I… I'm sorry." Her voice was gone, it came out as a whisper. "You deserved better. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…"

The door behind her was opened again. Maybe it was Cadmus and they were going after her. She didn't care. It didn't matter if she died there next to Kara.

"Alex…"

Jeremiah's voice made her land on reality. She had forgotten her dad had been leading a team in a close location. J'onn must have informed him.

"Kara?" The man kneeled in front of her, leaving Kara in the middle.

Jeremiah pulled Kara to him and Alex missed to have her in her arms when air was left.

"Kara?" Her dad called her sister, passing a hand on Kara's hair. "Hey… hey… sweetie…" He gulped. "You're ok, you're ok sweetheart… hey, wake up. You'll be ok." But Kara stayed unresponsive. "We have to go home sleepy head. Alex told me about this food truck in Chicago and I need your super delivery service to try it… Kara…" He carefully shook her body. "Kara." He insisted. The Kryptonian didn't move, and for the first time in her life, Alex saw tears streaming down her dad's face.

"All clear." Said a defeated J'onn J'onzz from the door. "We can leave now."

The Green Martian approached Jeremiah; with deep respect, J'onn covered Kara's face with the cape, then both stood up, taking Kara with them.

Alex felt a hand on her shoulder, she knew it was her boss.

The ugly truth hit her. In the past, she had been broken physically, she had been broken emotionally, she had had a broken heart… but how to fix a broken soul? Because that was what Kara meant to her.

It was in that moment, she realized Lillian Luthor had killed them both.

THE END.

…

Big hug for you.


End file.
